What happens next?
So far we discussed how you can get your ex back by being more emotionally available, being honest, not overreacting when issues arise, being optimistic about the future of your relationship, giving your partner space, and making your partner fall in love again. Now, we’re going to discuss the exact steps you need to take when you’re ready to have your reconciliatory talk.
Analyze Your Mood (and Your Partner’s)
Here are the secrets to get your ex back!!
You need to ask yourself if you’re still irrationally angry with your partner, or with the situation. If you’re still in your fighting stance, you need more time to calm down and be more reflective of your intentions. Don’t use your meet up to throw more mud at your partner. Be at your best behavior and make sure your inner issues are settled before you issue your invitation to talk. Remember, this could be your last conversation with your partner so you need to get your temper under control before you start.
Is your ex still sulking? You must also consider the way your partner is behaving so far. If you’ve given him or her ample space, you can gauge how he or she is feeling now. You can also talk to common friends who are still in contact with your ex.
Commit to Never Passing Blame
Whatever you and your partner did to cause the break up, forget it. Starting afresh means accepting that you cannot undo anything; and that your only option is to move forward. It should not even matter who started the fight or who ended the relationship. What’s important is you’re willing to move on without looking back.
Here are the secrets to get your ex back now!!
Your partner will feel much better if he or she knows that you will never blame him or her for your break up. Trust me on this; the fastest way to trash a reconciliation process is implying that your partner is solely at fault for everything that happened.
Invite Your Ex to a No-Strings Date
Don’t phrase your invitation like a death sentence. Also, do not make your partner feel anxious about your ‘talk’. If you don’t have common friends to convey your message, you can invite your ex yourself.
The key to a arranging a no-strings date is to promise that you won’t talk about anything that your partner isn’t ready to talk about. Treat your date as a regular day out, without any hidden agenda or motives.
The objective is to make each other comfortable, so you must not induce tension by saying ‘it’s the last time we’re going to talk’ or ‘it’s time to settle this once and for all’. Focus on having an enjoyable time instead of making up.
Prepare Your ‘Conversation Token’
Although you may not have planned on talking about your break up, topics like ‘the past’ or ‘your mistakes’ may crop up during your date. When this happens, you can use a conversation token to moderate the conversation.
What is this exactly? Think of one item that represents your relationship. It could be a ring, a necklace, the ticket to the first concert you attended, a photo you had taken while you were visiting a foreign city together, or a keepsake that you both found somewhere. It could be anything, but it has to have a special meaning.
Speak in Turn
This is the tricky part of the make-up process. How can you prevent yourself from taking charge of the conversation? How can you stop your partner from shouting or going hysterical on you?
You can keep the peace by laying some ground rules. When your conversation toke (see tip #4) is in your possession, you must promise that you won’t raise your voice, you won’t pass blame, and you won’t overreact. Also, you have to make it clear that you cannot talk when you’re not holding the conversation token.
If you follow these steps, you will be able to reach a compromise with your ex. Moreover, you will both realize that you can start the process of reconciliation peacefully and without drama.
Remember that there’s no such thing as a «perfect» relationship; and even the most ideal marriages in the world have their share of bad times. You see, if you believe in the myth of «perfection», you will never be satisfied with what you have.
When to seek outside help?
So far, we’ve discussed how you can fix your relationship on your own. Now, it’s time to open your mind to the option of seeking help from other sources. There are many self-help books out there that teach you more ways to win back your love. You just have to be open to the thought of investing your time, money and effort into making your relationship stronger.