How to Get Past No to Get to Yes and Win Your Ex Girlfriend Back
Posted On July 5, 2019
It is important to understand that many attempts at winning back your ex girlfriend go wrong because of approaches that are too aggressive and dialogues that are too confrontational, not because the other party in not interested in giving things another try. These confrontational, aggressive behaviors can irreparably damage the first stages of reconciliation, which are very important.
Confrontation can’t help you
If you trying to win your ex girlfriend back, you must understand that confrontational dialogues are not helpful. This type of dialogue often occurs when you assume there will be resistance, when you view the situation only from your perspective, or when you go on the attack. When you go into it with a hidden agenda or use inflammatory words in an effort to force the outcome you want, it is very likely that the exchange will go in a destructive direction.
If aggression and a confrontational approach is your natural style of communication, you will undoubtedly find it very difficult to win your ex girlfriend back. You cannot view your ex as an enemy you must defeat or an opponent you must overcome, or you will go into the conversation with the intention of forcing things to go your way. Your ex will pick up on this, become defensive and will not react as you had hoped. This will only lead to hostility, as well as distrust and suspicion, all of which works against your desire to win your ex girlfriend back.
Partners often face off with each other and refuse to give any ground, when in reality they may want the same things. The couple then ends up fighting over minutiae and the important issues become distorted. This is a sure way for a well-meant attempt at resolution and restoring the relationship to go horribly wrong and end in an argument.
Confrontational approaches include insisting on talking when your ex has made it clear they are not ready, lashing out with hurtful words, demanding that they change certain behaviors, or insisting that your ex would be able to see that they are wrong and you are right, if they would simply be more logical and less emotional.
Here are some examples of phrases that are sure to quickly turn the conversation in a bad direction and work against your chance to win your ex girlfriend back:
- «You always…»
- «You never…»
- «You are the one who…»
- «If you don’t (insert demand here), then I will start dating other people!»
- «I knew you would say that!»
Once you begin to go down this road, it is difficult to recover. Every time a confrontation occurs, even if it seems small, resentment and resistance builds, which obviously works against your chances to win your ex girlfriend back.
Do you remember when you were younger and a parent or teacher consistently hounded you about some particular thing, forced you to apologize or listen to long, accusatory diatribes, or threatened some sort of consequence? Do you remember finally coming to a point of, «Fine. Whatever you say. Can I leave now?»
That type of communication does not work with kids and it also does not work with adults. It is sure to lead to a shouting match or to your ex simply refusing to talk to you, or walking away.
If you really want to win your ex girlfriend back, you must use an approach that is conducive to establishing a two-way dialogue. Act like an adult and behave like one human being talking to another in a constructive manner. You still might not get what you want right at that moment, but you will ensure that you are heard and respected, and perhaps even admired.
Keep in mind that when it comes to whether or not you will get what you want, the determining factor is often simply how you ask.